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Heineken Holding N.V.
MARKZ PRoduc2 el vacilabadi combre!producro la COmpania demaRKO |
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Guy walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. Gulps it down in one drink and peeks into his shirt pocket. Orders another double scotch. Tosses it back and peeks into his shirt pocket. This process is repeated numerous times and finally after about ten the bartender asks the guy... "Buddy..Can I ask you a question?" Guy looks at him through bleary eyes and says sure. Bartender says... "What's the deal? You've knocked back about a half a bottle of scotch and after every drink you look in your shirt pocket and order another. What's in the pocket?" Guy says "Picture of my wife... and just as soon as she starts looking good... I'm heading home." The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my
lunch?
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
TOP TEN Signs You Drank Too Much This Weekend 10. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping -- with your Oldsmobile. 9. Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday. 8. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car. 7. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim
Jim": Ultra
Slim-Fast
6. Absolut wants to run an add featuring a
picture of
your liver in the
5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you
with, "Hey,
it's
4. The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how
long
it'll take
3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of
your abdominal
2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make
sure you
returned
1. You're now sober enough to realize "Drink
Canada Dry"
is a
There's a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Carlsberg' orders a Carlsberg, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Freddie Heineken what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Heineken orders a Coke! "Why don't you order a Heineken?" his colleagues ask. "Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I." A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." "I just can't find the cause for your
illness,"
said the internist at the college clinic. "Frankly, I think it's
due to drinking."
A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her
over calmly.
"I married your sister."
A drunk is standing, whizzing into a fountain in the middle of town, so a cop comes up to him and says "Stop that and put it away!" The drunk shoves his penis into his pants and does up his zip. As the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing. "Okay, what's so funny?" asks the cop. "Fooled you." says the drunk "I put it away, but I
didn't
stop."
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guiness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda......no." "No?" "Fact is, he got out three times to pee." ![]() ![]()
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produced by..... MEH !!! MARKUZ ![]() OTHER pepole sponsored by heineken!!!!
the PLAYYAH kaBISIOS!!!
AXmed rulz n XBOx
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